i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
