highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
