I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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