booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
