His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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