Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
