I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
