Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Who died my cat blue again?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
