My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
