I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
