Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
