so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
