He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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