maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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