You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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