fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
