He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
