Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
