i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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