i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
