White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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