can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
