It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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