so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
