I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
