Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
