sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
