Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
