You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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