"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
