Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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