so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
