Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
