I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
