Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
