the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
