operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
