Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
