dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
