Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
