She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
