oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
