I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
