Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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