I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
