She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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