Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
