Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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