That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
