i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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