he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
